My First Novel

I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life until my son advised me that I needed to do something with it. He had just started college and I had nothing to do, but I always knew that there was more to my life than just working a 9-5 for someone else. I had written from time to time and was quite good at it. I was constantly frustrated that I and bored with my life at the time. The thought of what to do failed me. One day when I was on my way to church I had an epiphany: the entire story of a novel came to me. I thought for a moment then said out loud, "Okay, Lord. Is that what you want me to do? Be a writer?" It was an interesting love story, so I thought, "Okay, then I'll do it."

When the service was over I races home to announce to my son that I was going to be a writer. He approved, but told me to do my research. I sat down later and proceeded to write my first novel, ever. It was wonderful the way I was able to put the story together. I really didn't think that I could do that, but then I realized that we are all sent to this earth with a gift and I had finally discovered mine. I was there all the time, because I had always gotten good grades in English in high school and college, but never gave it much thought. Even when I received the highest grade for a well written term paper, or when my creative writing professor made it a habit to read my papers to the class, albeit no one knew who the writer was.

The exciting part was when I finished it and had it self-published. That was so cool. Several people read the book that I had written and they wanted to know what happened to the characters. So what I ended up doing was writing a sequel. I knew that that God meant this for me all along and I have written several stories thereafter. Now, if only an agent would take time to read my stories...

Let him go!

How long do you plan on allowing him to abuse you? Yes you, the one who continues to lie to herself and make up whatever story to get you through until he does something else or says something else to make you feel bad about yourself. Whether its physical, mental, or emotional, abuse is abuse. Trust me I know what it's like to live that lie. Mine was mental and emotional. I fell in love with him when we were in high school. We hadn't even turned sixteen. The writing was on the wall when I had my sweet sixteen birthday party and invited him and he not only came to the house, but he brought his ex-girlfriend who he had broken up with right before me. They never came inside the house and as a matter-of-fact they proceeded to have an argument across the street.

I truly went through too much stupidity with the father of my son. Yes, my high school sweetheart and I eventually got back together and later had a child. But, I allowed myself to waste too much time and energy on this man. Don't get me wrong, when we were good, we were 78%, never 100%, but I settled for crumbs, because of my blind love. No one could tell me that we would ever be apart, because we loved each other. IDIOT!! Love isn't 78%, but I didn't want to think about that. Like the horse with blinders, that was me. I used to ask him questions about other women and he would lie about them to make me feel better, because who really wants to hear that the man you have spent so much of your life with is seeing other women on the side.

Over the years there were women who somehow "found" my number and would call me to let me know that they were in love with him and he them. We had broken up time and again, but I had been with him for so long that I didn't know how to react to another man, plus he would be threatening if he thought that another man would be around his son. He also continued to degrade me. Now mind you, I am not a bad looking woman, but I have been told much better looking than the women he would date behind my back. This had to do with him being insecure and an unattractive woman would dote on him and make him look good and no other man would be interested in them like they would me.

The problem was he wanted his cake and eat it too. He wanted to keep his foot on my neck by making me feel insecure. He would tell me that whatever job I had, one of his female friends had some fantastic job, making some great money in a, "You're so pathetic" tone. I was too fat, what other man would look at someone as big as me, I thought, or he tried to make me believe. I went from a size 4 before my pregnancy to a size 10. My weight did become a roller coaster ride, but that is what stress does. My hair, which I kept short, was not long enough for him, and these other women-his friends-had long hair. In fact, they wore weaves. Hello? I won't knock a weave if that is your thing, and some women know how to rock a weave, but I went through the long hair thing for years and I decided that it was time to cut it all off. Basically, cutting him out. His family knew me and loved me, and he wouldn't dare introduce another woman to them. Every time I was too far away from him, he would "soften" his heart and tell me that he still loved me. He knew what buttons to push, because he knew that I truly loved him, or so I thought.

 He could never spend enough time with our son. I can't tell you how much that has hurt me. Most men would love to have a son, but his need to do his thing was more important. I did all the raising, because my son would grow up to be a man and I wanted him to be the best that he could no matter what.

Then I wised up with the help of the Lord. It took me years to finally let go of the pain, and hurt, and bitterness. I realized that this isn't the life that God meant for me to live and when I think of Scripture: 

Isaiah 53:5 But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and through His wounds we are healed. 

Now that, my friends, IS the Man who loves me and you.

Gone are the jokes about my weight, I lost 50 lbs. I no longer care where he is or who he's with. I don't have a job, I am an author, my own boss. While he still lives with his mother, I have moved on with my life and waiting for the man God is sending to me. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. My son is almost thirty and doesn't have much of a relationship with his dad, although his father does call him from time to time. I raised my son to be respectful, no matter what. He has a bachelors degree in art and has his own business. My son has been the best thing that came out of that relationship. I thank God every night for him. He has been the best gift I could have ever gotten. Not so happy about the things we went through, but it's over. Thank God!

So, do yourself a favor, let go. Let go of the toxicity. You don't need him to be happy. You don't need him to be with you to raise a good child/children. You have to put your trust and life in God's hands. It took me a while, but it was the best decision I ever made. As I matter-of-fact God has dominion over my life and he makes all the decisions. Our Creator is the best man for the job.

Check back with me. I have more thoughts on this thing...

Amazing Grace

I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now I see. These were not just the words to a hymn but the realization of my life. Once upon a time my life was absolutely pathetic. I was in a deep depression. I ate all of the time. I smoked all of the time. Every day that I woke up I could not wait for the day to be over. I woke up at 5:00 a.m. and prepared for the dreadful day ahead, but before departing for work I would say a prayer asking God to help me make it through the day. I would also ask if it were meant for me to stay at my place of employment to please give me the strength and the patience, but if not, please help me to move on with my life.

Not exactly sure when I started praying about my situation, but I do know that it got to a point that I just couldn't take it anymore and I knew that before anything drastic happened I needed to go to our Creator. I had a relationship with God, but it wasn't the type I needed to have. I knew that He forgave our sins, but I knew that I wasn't a "perfect" person. I had issues and I did not know what to do with them. My issues were not extreme, but they were keeping me from getting from point "A" to point "B." I knew that I was called to be a writer, but I couldn't get off the merry-go-round of my life.

I had written last year in this blog about walking away from my job, but I didn't know at the time just how impactful that decision would be to my life and the relationship I now have with my Heavenly Father. I realized later that not only did I walk away from a paying job where I had been for over 14 years, that I had "killed" the good credit rating I had finally rebuilt after years of struggling with it, but I did not worry about any of it. I let go and I knew that God was going to take care of me. And He has!

Sure, I lost my car and my house, but those are just things. He has still provided. I have access to a car at any time. I went home to my mother, that's another story, and I don't have to pay rent. I also know that that will all change very soon, as the Lord gives good gifts.

As long as you have faith in God, (Mark 11:22).

...whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." (Mark 11:24)

I read Scripture every day and have built a wonderful relationship with Him. I know that the Lord has me on the path that I am suppose to be on. It has been an interesting and awe-inspiring journey so far. Stay tuned for the next chapter

How to encourage your child's gift

All of us are placed on this earth and given a gift, a talent. Some people go through life never knowing what that gift is, which is quite sad. When my son was four he drew a picture of a half moon. At the time, at first I thought it was cute, then another thought was could he possibly be a budding artist. Sometimes, you need to go with your gut. Now I know that some people might say that he was just a pre-schooler and he really didn't know what he was doing, but here is the thing, I did at the time, think twice, but knew in the back of my mind that if his parents were creative, then maybe he would stand a better chance of taking those genes to the next level.

For a while I let his talent go. He never said anything about it nor did I. When he was in elementary school and middle school none of the teachers mentioned it, so his gift was placed on the shelf and collected dust. By the time he entered high school he had art classes and always  earned an "A", but it wasn't until his junior year that his art teacher brought to my attention that he was a very gifted artist and she really wanted him to attend an art school. Her approached reaffirmed what I knew when he was four years old. I knew then that I wasn't just a mother who thought her child was another genius. No, I knew he was smart, but I knew he had something else: a God given talent that I wanted him to show to the world.

I asked him, right after I spoke to her, did he want to go to art school after he graduated and he said he had considered it. I know some people are more practical and insist that their children major in something that "make sense," but that is not encouraging your child. That is fear, not having faith, and putting your own comfort ahead of your child.

Face it, a child is born and you take care of him/her, but we do not own our children nor do we own their lives and newsflash: we don't always know what's best for them. If that were the case then we all would be billionaires. Life is suppose to be about love and faith, not about sorrow and regret. Too many times we can recall something we could have or should have done, but that is your problem not your child's. A child is not asked to be born. Think about it, when was the last time a child came down and tapped you on the shoulder and asked you to give birth to him/her. I always gave my son respect, therefore he respects me. He is a grown man and to this day will ask for my advice and I ask for his, because, as I said, nobody knows everything. The art school he attended was a bust, but with his talent he really did not have to go.

There were mistakes made along the way, but I am happy and so is he that he was encouraged to live his life, after all I won't be with him always and at least I can say that I wasn't that overbearing mother and I didn't let him make his own mistakes. He can always say that his mother let him be himself but was there when he needed her. And that's all any of us can ask for.

One Year Later

Well, I am back to update where I am on my journey to as a full-time writer.

I have been through a lot, it hasn't been easy, but God has been with me every step of the way. I have written another novel, Once 2wice-a romance. I have started working on a crime fiction series titled, Duke Wellington, P.I., about an African-American, no-nonsense former beat cop who emits the gritty edge of the North East Coast streets where he was groomed. A proponent for children and young people, Duke discovers, through a series of events, the shocking truth about some of these young "victims." The subtitle is The Murder of Innocence.

I decided to mix things up a little in my writing and go with crime fiction after writing another romance novel, titled Once, 2wice. I am been jotting down notes for the second in the Duke Wellington, P.I. series, Major Murder. I am writing another romance novel, Just Don't Want to be Lonely, about a young man unlucky in love who is fixed up on blind dates with women who are friends with his female co-workers. Things get chaotic when his soon-to-be-retired employer's daughter takes charge and sparks fly between the two and a monkey wrench is thrown in when one of the co-workers he once dated and still cares for discovers that she may be in love with him. I also wrote a children's book, Ruff Gets Answers, about a dog who oversleeps one morning and finds his owner has already left to start the first day of school. Trouble is, Ruff has no idea what school is and sets out to get the answer.

Some things have happened that the Lord has helped me through and it really leaves me in awe of our Heavenly Father. His grace, mercy and love for His children. I am no longer in my house, I am living with my mother, but I am not bothered as I know that God has me on the path I am supposed to be on. I am excited about this journey and I continue to be in awe of the wonderful things He does for me. Stay Tuned, things are changing for the better as we speak... 

Music For Novels

 When I listen to a song I usually get the inspiration for my next romance novel, this has happened more times than I can count. Case-in-point, I listened to Someone to Love, by Ruff Endz, everyday when I was writing the sequel to my first novel Another Chance. I listened to a few different love songs when I was writing Once, 2wice, and I started listening to Just Don't Want to be Lonely, by the Main Ingredient and got, not only the title, but the idea for novel.

I am a romantic at heart and I have love songs from each decade starting in the early 60's from different music genres. I can listen to most of them, such as: Classic R&B, Classic Country, Classic Rock, (60s, 70s, and 80s). The music from the later decades really had to grab my heart strings. I am very finicky about my music and a song has to give me "chills" in order to make my playlist.

I am currently listening to a few love songs and there is no telling where they will fit in my current list of novels I am writing.